


What I’ve Done

by RyanTyler2294



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Hurt/Failed Comfort, M/M, Survivors Guilt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-15
Updated: 2018-11-15
Packaged: 2019-08-23 22:26:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 883
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16627577
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RyanTyler2294/pseuds/RyanTyler2294
Summary: Ulaz tries to help Shiro cope.





	What I’ve Done

**Author's Note:**

> I'm working on the sequel to Captive I swear. I just wanted to edit this ficlet I posted on tumbler a while back, and I thought you guys would like to see it too ^^

Like always, Ulaz found Shiro on the observation deck. He was on the couch facing the window. He pulled his knees to his chest and his arms were crossed over them. He was breathing deep like he does when he’s trying to stay calm.

Ulaz knows that Shiro had requested time alone since the broadcast had gone out. The Paladins respected it and saved their questions for later. But Ulaz knew Shiro needed someone right now.

Ulaz took a seat next to him. They didn’t say anything for a while. Shiro’s face was screwed up in frustration. Sure, Shiro knew the work they were doing to rally for the coalition was important. He even found some parts of it enjoyable at times, but he didn’t think it would backfire like this.

“How are they taking it?” Shiro asked.

“As well as they can,” Ulaz said. “No one is mad at you. Only worried.”

“Of course they are,” Shiro snorted like he didn’t believe it. Ulaz was quiet as he put an arm around his partner and pulled him close.

“I never wanted them to know how bad it got,” Shiro’s voice started to crack. “I thought I would be able to move on like it never happened.” He sat up and pulled away from Ulaz. “And now it’s all over the universe.”

“It will backfire on the Empire,” Ulaz said. In response to the advertisement for the coalition, the Empire released messages of their own. They showed Shiro’s barbaric fights, and the torture he endured. But they also showed what he was willing to do to escape the abuse.“No one who sees that broadcast won’t know that you are also a victim. They’ll see how resilient you are to have picked yourself up and lead a rebellion.”

“That’s not what I’m worried about,” Shiro snapped. Ulaz didn’t take it to offense. He never knew how to deal with Shiro in these moments. Shiro never likes to discuss what truly bothered him, and Ulaz never knew what to say.

“What are you worried about?”

Shiro took a deep breath as he ran his hands over his face.

“It’s just…having it all thrown back at me. What I did, what I became while I was there. I killed a lot of people to survive. And then I have all these people calling me Shiro the Hero. I didn’t save anyone, only myself.”

“You…”

“Don’t give me that inspirational shit right now. I know what I am. I once…they locked me in this room with this child, this Puigian girl. They told me to kill her, I said no. So they sent this current through my arm every time I refused, and every time it lasted longer. I don’t know how long we were in there, it felt like days.

“Whenever I would scream she would ask, ‘are you okay? can I help.’ Constantly offering me her rations and water, trying to take care of me when the pain became too much. But I knew it wouldn’t stop until I killed her.” There were tears in his eyes as he continued his story.

“Then it got to be too much. They were asking more often and the voltage was being ramped up. And when I finally got up, she knew what was happening. She started crying, and, and I kept telling her I was sorry but she wouldn’t stop crying. I killed her Ulaz. I killed her with my bare hands. And after Hagar gave me a pat on the head and real food, clean water. And for a while, it felt like it was worth it.”

Ah, Ulaz finally figured it out. Shiro was dealing with the shame of his actions and its emotional impact. Ulaz emphasized with him. He too felt shame and regret from the deeds he had to commit when he was undercover. He and Thace talked about it a lot, but Shiro had no one he could speak to about it.

He had no on one to talk to, and no one to tell him it was okay to forgive himself.

“Takashi,” Ulaz pulled him back in his arms despite the protest. “It’s not your fault. You can’t go on blaming yourself for everything that happened.”

“You don’t get it.”

“I know how it feels to be behind unspeakable deeds.” Ulaz rubbed his back. “It won’t happen overnight, but in time you need to learn to forgive yourself.” He nuzzled Shiro’s cheek to try and comfort him. It normally worked but today Shiro didn’t respond.

“I don’t want to think about it,” Shiro buried his face and Ulaz’s chest. “Just…just hold me.”

Ulaz didn’t have to be told twice. He took Shiro into his arms and held him close. They lay flushed against each other and Ulaz turned so Shiro’s back was to the couch. Ulaz put his legs on Shiro’s hips, and his arms around his back. One hand rested in Shiro’s hair. He used his body to shield Shiro from everything.

It wasn’t long until Ulaz heard the tears come, and felt how Shiro shook in his arms. He didn’t know what to say to make this better. He did all he could do and stayed with him until he cried himself to sleep.

Fin

**Author's Note:**

> Drop a comment if you liked it! I love hearing from you guys ^^


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